Night Thoughts

Australian Open, Second Round (Day Four)

(14) Monfils d. Bellucci, 2/6 6/0 6/4 6/2

Like the unending and infinitely kitsch waltzes of Johann Strauss Jr., which inspire Austrians in Vienna but nausea everywhere else, Henri Leconte’s deranged commentary only really comes into its own when applied to Gael Monfils. It’s a question of context, though like Strauss, Leconte eventually grows onerous even under optimal conditions. Nevertheless, the juxtaposition is revealing, although the interest resides less in anything Leconte has to say, than in how he says it.

The standard word on Monfils, reiterated soporifically, is that he is wasting his talent. (It is a hard word to refute, since the evidence is overwhelming. When he plays the way everyone wants him to – purposefully and assertively – he can match anyone, the top three included.) This ‘fact’ sits at the top of every commentator’s crib sheet, and viewers can depend upon it being covered off during the hit up. A number of subsidiary narratives have coalesced around this central assumption, most notably that of the idiot-savant, and the idea that Monfils continues to play that way he does in spite of constant well-meaning advice to the contrary. The fond belief is that this advice comes at him consistently from all quarters – from accomplished tacticians all the way down to Roger Rasheed, whose wisdom is of the hokey fridge-magnet variety – but that Monfils either will not or cannot take it in.

In general, commentators of an Anglo-persuasion seem more disposed to react to Monfils’ on-court antics with a stern and protestant disapproval. Any admiration they may feel for a gratuitous, slam dunk, topspin lob is immediately tempered by puritanical tut-tutting. We’re a short step away from slapping a PG rating on Monfils’ matches, thereby affording our children’s vulnerable minds at least some protection from the Frenchman’s dissolute influence.

Leconte, however, matches Monfils’ profligate exuberance with an unhinged exuberance of his own. As a Frenchman whose country has produced only one male Slam champion in the Open era, Leconte has as much excuse as anyone for subscribing to the cliché of Monfils as feckless man-child. But he seems happy to enjoy Monfils for what he is, to be caught up in the spectacle, and his disapproval therefore never goes beyond exasperated affection. It suggests that the prevailing belief that Monfils should curtail his showmanship does not prevail everywhere. Leconte may act the buffoon, but he is surely no idiot, and his willingness to appreciate Monfils as he is proves that watching tennis need not always be so serious.

Hewitt d. (15) Roddick, 3/6 6/3 6/4 ret.

On the subject of obvious advice delivered from multiple sources, last night’s abbreviated encounter between Andy Roddick and Lleyton Hewitt plenty to be going on with. Hobbled by a dud hamstring midway through the second set, Roddick’s options for achieving victory were reduced to one, which was to hit through Hewitt and hope for the best. Thus obliged to shorten points, he suddenly played like everybody wants him to, the way he used to. Sadly he couldn’t move any more, and so was unlikely to win or even see out the match, but he hasn’t looked this potent off the ground in years. It proved to my satisfaction that if Roddick would only play like this while able to move freely, he is sufficiently skilled to return to the top ten.

Of course, he won’t do that. Jim Courier made an interesting comment during last night’s call, when he declared that ‘everyone’ has begged Roddick to go after his forehand. We knew that already, but I hadn’t realised that ‘everyone’ included Roddick’s coach Larry Stefanki. At some level, I’d supposed that Roddick’s utterly humourless gameplan was something he and Stefanki had devised between them, though why they then chose to inflict it upon an unhappy world I cannot say.

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Don’t Panic

Australian Open, Second Round (Day Four)

Of the 128 men who contested the first round at this year’s Australian Open, 96 have already lost. This is the ordinary attrition rate through two rounds of a major tournament, so there’s no reason to panic. The numbers check out. Of the 32 remaining, I can say that there are as many Canadians as Americans, even if we include those Americans who turned out to be Russian. Seeds have tumbled – they crunch underfoot when you step on them – but not any of the truly fertile ones, the ones that are likely to bear fruit. Roddick’s loss will be amply discussed, but not because he lost. Those given to considering his thighs now have an excuse. The rest of us have no choice.

There were a number of five setters today, but compared to the first round’s they weren’t savage, although a couple were long. Twice players fought back from two sets down to level the match, only to lose the decider. Three men who’d survived the savagery of round one hit the deck in round two. Only Gilles Simon featured in both groups.

(5) Ferrer d. Sweeting, 6/7 6/2 3/6 6/2 6/3

It never felt as though David Ferrer wouldn’t come back against Ryan Sweeting; perhaps a five-setter had seemed unlikely, but an upset was unthinkable. It was also a useful reminder that just because a match goes to five sets, doesn’t mean it is necessarily close. Nadal’s win over Isner at Roland Garros last year demonstrated this principle, but really, the fact that it requires demonstration is a curious issue. There was a time when it didn’t, when good players were taken to five sets all the time, yet remained favourites to win. A decade of domination by a parade of godlike No.1s has accustomed us to a WTA-like river cruise through the early rounds for the top players. Dropped sets here and there have become newsworthy, and widely analysed, suggesting the rapacious new-cycle as a partial culprit. It turns out there’s not a lot to say about Nadal or Djokovic ambling past a cast of extras on the way to the quarterfinals. Or, more accurately, there is plenty to say, but finding new ways to say it is a lot of work, and it’s easier to spin a dropped set or two as a ‘scare’.

It is entirely possible that I had too much faith in Ferrer, or too little in Sweeting. Idling courtside today, in relenting sunshine and an edgeless southerly, I had the utmost confidence that the tournament would not lose its fifth seed. Ferrer was two sets to one down, but the three sets had not been taxing, barely registering on the Spaniard’s own worn scale for such things. A great deal of this owed to Sweeting, who in the last eight or nine months has somehow transformed himself from a toothless pusher into a daring baseliner. Ferrer took the last couple of sets comfortably, two and three.

(9) Tipsarevic d. Duckworth, 3/6 6/2 7/6 6/4

It was a broadly similar story over on Margaret Arena Stadium, where Janko Tipsarevic dropped the opening set to the promising James Duckworth, and thereafter toiled mightily to secure a four set win. But the thing is, for all that Tipsarevic has earned his detractors, he has also earned his place in the top ten, and he should be willing to work hard for a win. He should, he is, and he did. It’s a nice thing to be able to say about a guy who all too often hasn’t. A fine match.

(24) Nishikori d. Ebden, 3/6 1/6 6/4 6/1 6/1

Kei Nishikori’s recovery from two sets down was a different matter, since it was not a fine match, and he was legitimately in danger of losing it, if only momentarily. The moment came at the start of the third set, when Matthew Ebden was still on a roll, having romped through the first two. But a moment was all it was, and once it passed the last three sets felt like the very long denouement to a tale that had already been resolved. It was probably long enough for Ebden to make peace with his fate, but the vehemently hurled racquet on match point suggested otherwise. There is also the possibility that the fey spirit inhabiting MCA had taken possession of him, as it did to both Nalbandian and Baghdatis yesterday. That court has taken a pounding in the last 24 hours.

At the commencement of today’s play, there was the possibility that two Japanese males might inhabit the third round of a major, an outcome that has happened precisely never before. It was very nearly none, but Nishikori’s eventual victory helpfully offset Tatsuma Ito’s earlier loss to Nicholas Mahut. It is also only the second time Mahut has progressed so far, which is frankly surprising. He next plays Djokovic, so he won’t be going on with it. Lest the goal was an historical angle, I can say that Frederico Gil’s win over Marcel Granollers has propelled a Portuguese male into the last 32 for the first time.

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Racquet Therapy

Quick morning update, before I head in to Melbourne Park. How quick? Point-form quick.

1. Stanislas Wawrinka characteristically alternated might with ineptitude in eventually seeing off Marcos Baghdatis last night, capping a truly spectacular day on Margaret Court Arena Stadium. Baghdatis combined might with unhinged intensity in smashing four of his racquets in a midmatch tantrum. He went on the take the set, but folded in the fourth, presumably having run out of equipment to safely destroy. If nothing else, it proved that even in extremis Baghdatis retains a clearer head than Goran Ivanisevic, who was once defaulted after smashing all of his racquets.

2. Umpire Kader Nouni boasts a cult following, largely owing to his laid-back manner, and the spectacular depth and resonance of his voice. It’s like having Barry White call matches, only with a French accent, which is the only accent historically proven to make mortal insults sexy. However, like the Kakapo parrot’s mating cry – a throbbing boom – Kader’s voice carries well, but in the heat of combat (or mating) it can be difficult to ascertain where it originates from. It could be Isaac Hayes in the crowd. This explains the delay while both Isner and Nalbandian tried to work out what was happening yesterday afternoon.

The real issue is that only umpires with whiny, nasal voices should be allowed to officiate at the Grand Slam level. The players should add this to their growing list of complaints.

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Skewed Straight Sets

Australian Open, Second Round (Day Three)

Presumably everyone who cares to know is already exhausted by the unfolding brouhaha between the world’s finest male tennis players and the sport’s governing bodies. The salient issues include the excessive length of the season, scheduling, prize money, the Davis Cup, Mike Bryan’s volleyball court, and Rafael Nadal’s concern that his tennis career might adversely impact his recreational holidays in years to come.* I think there might be a butler strike looming, as well. The men held a spirited meeting last Saturday, and apparently decided that the best way to air their demands would be to combine them all into one phenomenally garbled message, and then have random players essay conflicting announcements whenever they felt like it. Those for whom English is a second language were encouraged to speak first and loudest. There was, briefly, talk of a player’s strike, although this did not eventuate. Instead, through two days of criminal heat at Melbourne Park, the players chose to express their solidarity by killing each other in as many five set marathons as possible. I suppose it could have been worse. It could have been interpretive dance.

The rage, like the weather, had apparently cooled by the time the second round got underway this morning, although it warmed to a white heat as the day wore on. The early going saw most winners move through in straight sets, although the matches were as skewed as straight sets can be. By the evening however, our heroes had rewarmed to the task of pulverising each other. Nalbandian almost pulverised the umpire. It looked like a lot of work, and I’m amazed they haven’t demanded better recompense, or shorter hours.

Falla d. (8) Fish, 7/6 6/3 7/6

The only certainties, as Mardy Fish whined, slouched and ultimately collapsed in straight sets on Court Three today, were that he would later complain about Alejandro Falla’s constant recourse to the trainer in the final set, and that the tiresome puns on both player’s names would flow. ‘Fish was not on Falla today!’ ran one, like literary diarrhoea. There are times when it’s hard to be disappointed enough in your fellow man.

Fish’s post-match interview was predictably dominated by an awkward discussion of the rules and etiquette surrounding cramps and the treatment thereof, although to be fair to Fish, he was only answering questions as they came at him. It was the journalists who couldn’t let it go, although that didn’t deter most of them from writing it up as a cautionary tale of sour grapes. (Think back to Wimbledon 2010, when Federer carelessly mentioned a back injury. He then spent the remainder of the presser fielding follow-up questions, with the result that he was accused of giving his opponent too little credit.) To his credit, Fish conceded that he didn’t lose because Falla received some rubs during the changeovers. No, he lost because he couldn’t get over the fact that Falla received some rubs during the changeovers.There is a difference; the gap in which Fish so often loses himself. ‘I’m only human,’ he explained afterwards.

In keeping with the new solidarity, neither man would reveal what was uttered at the sour handshake.

(2) Nadal d. Haas, 6/4 6/3 6/4

Initially Tommy Haas’ encounter with Nadal felt like a tragic mismatch, as though the German had brought a knife to a gunfight, or deployed light-cavalry against a full Panzer division. Here was a former world No.2 against the current No.2, and it was a clear case of mortality writ large, an indication of the degree to which the epoch has shifted. At 4/0 down, the story was practically writing itself. This was a shame for Haas, but I wasn’t about to turn down so clear an invitation to unleash any number of worn clichés.

Then, Haas held. A patronising mutter rippled around Rod Laver Arena. Good for him! He soon broke Nadal, then held, then broke again. The staggered mutters joined up into a perpetual buzz. Haas moved to yet another break point at 4/5. Nadal unloaded three big serves to salvage the set, but it was a close run thing. The knife-fighter had transformed the duel, by closing and grappling. My lazy write-up took a turn for the onerous.

Haas had turned it around with a sudden and frankly unlikely strategic adjustment. He began to loft junk-balls at Nadal’s backhand, and the Spaniard, whose backhand will sometimes run hot but can lose shape in a true crucible, began to miss.  This disrupted his entire game. The issue, sadly, was that this is not Haas’ natural game, and he has always been prodigiously impatient. The German’s focus cracked at the start of the second set, and Nadal rode the single break to the end. Haas surged ahead for a time in the third, but it was destined not to last.

Afterwards, as Spidercam swooped in gaily, the players clasped hands warmly, exchanging endearments. Nadal applauded as the crowd was invited to appreciate Haas’ effort. The effect was immensely valedictory. Haas removed his shirt and threw it to a girl in the crowd, facilitating one young lady’s life-long dream of being doused in his sweat.

 

*To be fair, Mike Bryan’s volley ball court issue is not the full extent of his complaints: he doesn’t have enough time to enjoy his new swimming pool, either. When Steve at Shanktennis.com dared poke fun at this, he was summarily branded a ‘hater’ by Alex Bogomolov Jr., a senselessly ad hominem epithet too readily levelled at anyone who dares disagree with you.

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Photon-Drunk

(4) Murray d. Harrison, 4/6 6/3 6/4 6/2

Photon-drunk from the sun’s intimate and ceaseless ministrations, I had either begun to hear voices, or else the suffocating heat had proved sufficient to rewire my brain for telepathy. “I mean, I have nothing against Harrison, but frankly I wish he’d just bugger off,” muttered a Scottish accent with special vehemence from extreme close range. In my addled torpor I momentarily assumed I was suddenly receiving Andy Murray’s inner-most thoughts, broadcast as he stalked to his chair in Hisense Arena, having dropped the first set to an inspired Ryan Harrison.

My eyes shot open, mind suddenly racing. Having the No.4 tennis player in the world transmitting his thoughts directly into my head could have its uses, especially if his pre-point mind-clearing ritual involved reciting his own credit card details. Alas, it turned out the comment had originated from the trio of baking Scots lounging in the seats in front of me. The refrain from Noel Coward’s ‘Mad Dogs and Englishmen’ skittered through my head, incongruously, since they weren’t English, and here I was, expiring in the noonday sun along with them. In Brad Gilbert’s surprisingly memorable phrase, the last two days in Melbourne have resembled being ‘in a hair drier’. (Given Fernando Verdasco’s familiarity with hair products of all types, it is impossible to fathom his decision yesterday to play dressed as a naked flame.)

The moment the draw was released, it was clear that of the top four, Murray had been dealt not only the most treacherous path to the semifinals, but that it would commence with the trickiest opening round as well. Nadal and Federer both faced down qualifiers. Djokovic had earlier dispatched Paolo Lorenzi for the loss of two games, his match the centrepiece of a truly lousy day out for ticket-holders on Rod Laver Arena. Meanwhile Murray faced Ryan Harrison, one of the most dangerous of the sporadically-touted new guard.

Based on Harrison’s first set today, he is also one of the most fearless. The serve and forehand he has always owned – they were his passport into the top hundred – but he appears to have injected yards of pace into his backhand drives, especially those directed up the line. However, it’s one thing to master a shot in practice, but it’s entirely different to dictate with it confidently in match play. (I watched Harrison play a practice set against Alex Bogomolov Jr. yesterday, and my first thought – aside from the certainty that this lad hailed from a culture that exalts protein – was that Murray’s draw wasn’t so difficult after all. Bogomolov was comprehensively out-hitting his erstwhile compatriot.)

The match turned in the second set, not because Harrison grew suddenly fearful, but also not because Murray necessarily lifted. It was simply that Harrison could not maintain his elevated level, which was a shame for those of us who aren’t British, and had therefore hoped that an inspired opponent might push the Scot to dizzying heights. Sadly, it wasn’t to be. The match remained distinctly earthbound, where Murray prefers it. He has a way of anchoring those who threaten to take flight.

Wily campaigner that he is, Murray’s telepathically projected desire that Harrison might bugger off thus turned out to be astutely predictive. He had correctly assumed that the American could not maintain his standard, an assumption that was widely shared by everyone besides his fans. The last three sets were only slightly less entertaining than the first, but the result was hardly in question. The three Scots in front of me never stopped groaning and muttering until the very end. To be fair, Murray didn’t either, for all that his usual carping was unusually muted, perhaps owing to the impassive new presence in his player’s box.

Whether a sustained work-out in savage conditions will help or hinder Murray in the long run remains an open question, and one that is unlikely to be answered before the weekend. His next few opponents are entirely manageable, including a potential encounter with Bogomolov Jr. in the third round. As for Harrison, he will presumably take a great deal from this match, not least of which will be many thousands of new fans, keen to chart his progression as the season unfurls. Kinder draws will come, and I am convinced he will make the most of them. The voices in my head told me so.

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Sometimes The Moment Gets You

Australian Open, First Round (Day One)

Tomic d. (22) Verdasco, 4/6 6/7 6/4 6/2 7/5

(13) Dolgopolov d. Jones, 1/6 4/6 6/2 6/2 6/2

“Is that Greg Jones? The one with the ponytail?” asked the sun-pinked lady behind me in the queue for Margaret Court Arena. Each of her flushed cheeks sported an Australian flag decal. I brought my mighty powers of deduction to bear, and guessed she might be Australian. She was pointing at Alexandr Dolgopolov.

“Yeah, that’s him,” replied her boyfriend with authority through his utterly ordinary goatee, the kind that is standard issue in IT departments the world over. He wore an Australian flag like a cape.

On the scale of their esteem, tennis clearly languished somewhere shy of the national logo, which I suspect they appreciated on a patriotic rather than an aesthetic level. Happily, the Australian Open encourages both passions to coexist, and so they set about brandishing their flags at their new favourite tennis player Greg Jones, even if he did have a girly ponytail. From that point it took them only five minutes to realise they had the wrong man, having carefully observed that the stadium erupted whenever the other guy won a point. The couple exchanged a chagrined grimace – regretting all the A-grade patriotism they’d just wasted on a foreigner – and set about urging on the dude in the green shirt. When Jones moved ahead two sets to love, amidst a flurry of surly remonstrations from Dolgopolov, they joined everyone else in going nuts. If nothing else, it suggests Channel 7’s campaign to rebrand Dolgopolov as Aussie Alexandr is gaining little traction. No one is buying it.

In Rod Laver Arena they had no trouble telling the Australian player apart from his opponent, since the Australian was Bernard Tomic and his image has saturated the airwaves for weeks. It helped that his opponent was Fernando Verdasco, who’d come dressed as an exploding canary. The green and gold horde in Garden Square had swelled, and the ululating murmur across the grounds grew to a sustained roar as Tomic broke late in the fifth set. I am not superstitious by nature, but I was tempted to look away, if only to spare my compatriots the agony of seeing Tomic broken back. It had been that kind of day. My patronage was the kiss of death.

Cipolla d. Davydenko, 6/4 4/6 3/6 6/2 6/1

At least, that’s how it felt. Every match I visited, the player I favoured either commenced poorly if I was present from the outset, or saw their form take a sharp nosedive once I arrived. First up was Nikolay Davydenko, who has fallen on hard times, but was still a sure thing against the sadly overmatched and frankly underpowered Flavio Cipolla. It was smotheringly warm in Melbourne today, with a bold northerly breeze and an unhindered sun.  Davydenko, from the very beginning, proved incapable of coping with any of these factors, even in isolation. He could not hold serve into the wind, and would commence each service game from that end by conducting an elaborate pantomime, shaking his head and rehearsing ball-tosses, inviting our commiseration. Cipolla brought no weapons to bear beyond a willingness to scurry for every ball, and thereafter apply slice to it. His patience was admirable, but the Russian was still creating plenty of opportunities. The issue was that he could not capitalise on them.

Karlovic d. (31) Melzer, 7/6 7/5 6/3

From there I swung by Court 18, where Jurgen Melzer was incongruously serve-volleying his way to a maiden loss to Ivo Karlovic. Karlovic was, of course, serving big, but he was also making plenty of chipped returns. Through the early going, Melzer was making plenty of volleys, and he looked even less like losing serve than his opponent. It all came undone for the Austrian in the first set tiebreak, when volleys suddenly were missed. Karlovic’s supporters, more comprehensively festooned with nationalistic drapery than even the locals, began chanting mean slogans at Melzer in close harmony. Novak Djokovic was hitting up on the court behind, and so they chanted at him as well.

Kohlschreiber d. (25) Monaco, 7/5 4/6 6/3 6/7 6/0

After that I roamed, swinging by Rod Laver, where Tomic had somehow contrived to lose the second set, to Court 6, where Philip Kohlschreiber and Juan Monaco were just commencing an enthralling five setter, although they weren’t to know that. As ever, it was a match entirely predicated on the German’s willingness to intersperse normal strokes in amongst the plentiful winners and errors, to ‘rally’, as it were. I was seated with Germans for this one – no flags, but plenty of Bundesliga jerseys – which really rammed home just how draining being a fan of Kohlschreiber’s must be. They rode every flashing backhand up the line, and every forehand into the back hoarding.

Dimitrov d. Chardy, 4/6 6/3 3/6 6/4 6/4

Even at this early stage of his career, Grigor Dimitrov’s more cosmopolitan fan base is similarly conditioned to highs and lows. When I arrived at his court, he had a break point on Chardy’s serve in the first set. Four minutes later the Bulgarian had lost his own serve, and, shortly after, the set. As I said, it was that kind of day. It thereafter developed into a pretty wrenching encounter, whose limits were defined by Dimitrov’s backhand, Chardy’s serve and both player’s insipid shakiness on break points. They moved to two sets apiece, and the heat was endless. Kohlschreiber finished off Monaco with a bagel – it was as brilliant as you might imagine – while Dimitrov limped home along a path littered with Chardy’s double-faults.

Over on Margaret Court Arena Stadium, Greg Jones was foundering badly as Dolgopolov galloped through the remaining few sets. The Australian flags went limp, though the groans of the punters were knowing, if not affectionate. Despite his obscurity, Greg Jones, by gallantly blowing a two set lead, was demonstrating his credentials as a native son. The Cultural Cringe dictates that we both expect and celebrate our countrymen falling short against the rest of the world. But in Rod Laver Arena and Garden Square the roar was immense as Tomic served out the match, having recovered from a two set deficit, taking Verdasco’s best blow and triumphing in a touch over four hours of real tennis. It turns out there’s another, rarer kind of Aussie, and we appreciate this kind even more.

As it happened, I did not look away as Tomic served out the match. I’m not superstitious, after all. But for all that I’m not nationalistic, either, I will admit that as Tomic’s final forehand landed and he hurled his racquet to the court, I was clapping and cheering as vigorously as the guy next to me, who wore a pair of green and gold spectacles, and had the Southern Cross tattooed on the side of his neck. Sometimes the moment gets you.

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Sizeable Hurdles

Auckland, Final

(1) Ferrer d. Rochus, 6/3 6/4

It is a criminal offence to discuss Olivier Rochus without mentioning how tall he isn’t – listen to the commentary accompanying any of his matches for clear proof – so I won’t endeavour to try. However, punning on said deficiency is merely considered bad taste, so I cannot promise anything there. He came up short against David Ferrer in the Auckland final today – you were warned – and thus falls to 2-8 in tour finals. 2’8’’ is, by sheer coincidence, exactly half Rochus’ height, regardless of what the official figures say, and is somewhat lower than a standard tennis net. There is probably a complicated equation waiting to be devised measuring tennis skill against height, which will legitimately demonstrate that Oli Rochus ranks among the most skilful players ever to play the sport. We are left to wonder what he might have achieved had he chosen his dimensions more thoughtfully.

His path to the Auckland final was hardly straight, though it did lead him through the two most entertaining matches of the tournament. Rochus is a gifted shotmaker, and so watching him overcome equally gifted shotmakers in Philip Kohlschreiber and Benoit Paire was a rare treat. Shots, you may be sure, were made. Ferrer, sadly, was simply too substantial a hurdle. Sorry.

It is the Spaniard’s third title in Auckland. He has clearly developed an affinity for the place, and spoke of the tournament with great affection afterwards. He won here last year, and progressed all the way to the Australian Open semifinals. In order to repeat that effort this year he will probably have to beat Novak Djokovic in the quarterfinals, the largest hurdle in tennis.

Kooyong, Final

Tomic d. Fish, 6/4 3/6 7/5

The issue with Kooyong, insofar as an exhibition event conducted in a swirling zephyr can have other issues, has been the low standard of the officiating. Being an exhibition, the players are mostly lenient towards the odd missed call, but there are limits. There is still prize money at stake, and a few thousand onlookers, and a major tournament starting next week. There is still pride, and for all that the results will not figure the official record, the players do keep count. Jurgen Melzer today expressed great pleasure in achieving his first win over Gael Monfils.

Sadly, dud line-calls were not the extent of it. The umpires were slow to overrule admitted errors, and in at least one case did not appear to know the rules. This came as Monfils rushed the net, and Melzer sent a curling dipping pass beyond the Frenchman’s reach. Or so he thought. Monfils threw his racquet at the ball, connected, and it fell over the net for a winner. It was a moment of exhibition cheer, and less heavy-handed than most. But Melzer was astonished when the point was awarded to his opponent, since you cannot win a point if you aren’t holding the racquet. The umpire seemed to concede that Monfils had indeed released the grip, but would not be otherwise swayed.

Too often this week the players felt obliged to take matters into their own hands, with an unusual number of points being conceded on clearly erroneous calls. There was a moment in today’s final when Bernard Tomic’s first serve was called out, then immediately corrected. The umpire then overruled, calling ‘Fault’. Mardy Fish then overruled the umpire – since the serve had clearly landed in – and the umpire was forced to call a let. The issue, surely, is that there are tour events under way in Sydney and Auckland (and Hobart), as well as qualifying at Melbourne Park. With finite personnel, it has apparently fallen to the work-experience kids to oversee the matches at Kooyong. There is also no Hawkeye.

Mention should perhaps be made of a curious incident earlier in the event, when Tomic was playing Monfils. The Frenchman was, naturally, remonstrating with the umpire over yet another poor call, when Tomic marched up and for no discernible reason removed the umpire’s right shoe, and placed it with his gear. It was a strange moment, even allowing for its keeping with the generally forced bonhomie of an exhibition (and this match was rapidly descending into farce). No one has quite been able to explain what Tomic was getting at, though I perhaps we’re being generous in supposing he had a point to make at all. I suspect he felt he was due for some zaniness, but that was the best he could come up with, and ended up merely referencing Woogie from There’s Something About Mary, which may well be the first time that’s happened in a professional tennis match.

The question was later posed on television as to whether this signalled a broader issue with tennis, whether the players have too little respect for the officials, proving that there are things even more humourless than Tomic’s lame gag, and that some of them are permitted to speak on TV. Andy Murray took a swig from a spectator’s beer in his match: won’t somebody please think of the children?

Commentary of the week: “Maybe that’s a sign that Monfils is beginning to think?!”

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Luck of the Draw: Australian Open 2012

For those men currently battling the elements and, sporadically, each other in the Australian Open qualifying tournament, the news that two of their number have drawn Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal in the opening round of the main draw must inspire both consternation and anticipation. Other potential opponents include Steve Darcis and Olivier Rochus. With due acknowledgement that they have no choice in the matter, it remains a nice question who they would rather face. While either Belgian is a winnable proposition, they’d be forgoing a prime time match on centre court, facing an all-time great. On balance, I suppose they’ll take the fighting chance at a win. Copping a hiding they can bore their grandchildren with is one thing, but one has to earn a crust.

Assuming these theoretical qualifiers overcome Federer and Nadal – surely a safe assumption to make – and that this victory propels each to four further wins apiece, then they will collide in the semifinals. This is because, for the first time in almost seven years, Federer and Nadal have been drawn in the same half at a major. This stat is less astounding than it seems at first glance, since they spent about five years at Nos.1 and 2. Perhaps more interestingly, this marks the first time in seven majors that Federer and Novak Djokovic have been drawn in separate halves, a configuration whose relentless reoccurrence was coming to seem almost inevitable, and therefore nourishing for those convinced the whole thing is rigged. To what end I cannot say, since of all the ways one might pursue world domination, staging endless Federer-Nadal finals seems like a curious method, but each to their own. I have already heard it said that these shady powers-that-be doctored this draw specifically to throw everyone off the scent. (Those dastards.) If that was indeed the goal, then they’ll have to try harder. Conspiracy theorists are by nature hard to deflect, and even harder to reason with, since their cherished notions are too often arrived at unreasonably.

Anyway, a quick QA on the draw, because a QA is a clever way to gussy-up point-form, for when you’re too lazy to continue with actual paragraphs.

Q: Who has the most difficult draw?
A: Paolo Lorenzi, who will face Djokovic first up.

Q: Which of the top players has the most difficult draw?
A: Andy Murray

Q: Will there be a surprise semifinalist?
A: If there is, it will be a surprise. I won’t spoil it by telling you who it is.

Q: Does Andy Roddick have any chance of winning?
A: It’s hard to say a player has no chance of winning, except in Roddick’s case. I suppose nothing is impossible (and according to the miracle of advertising, impossible is nothing). After all, even Thomas Johansson won here. Roddick winning is rather less likely than that.

Q: So who will win?
A: It seems unlikely that you’re reading a site like this and haven’t made up your own mind. I’ll just say that any bet against Djokovic is a brave one.

Q: Which are the pick of the first round matches?
A: Tomic v Verdasco (very winnable for the Australian); Haase v Roddick; Troicki v Ferrero; Melzer v Karlovic; Wawrinka v Paire (winnable for the Frenchman); maybe Dimitrov v Chardy. The more able hardcourters seem to be scattered quite evenly through the draw (probably because it’s rigged). Assuming these guys survive their openers, expect things to really get going in the second and third rounds.

The full draw can be found here.

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Total Saturation

Australian Open Qualifying, Day Two

To live in Australia is to be never entirely free of sport, unless you are maniacally bent on avoiding it. This is especially true of Melbourne, which rightly prides itself on being the sporting capital of a sports-mad nation, and where regard for football transcends mere love, spiralling upwards and outwards into something closer to mass-psychosis. Furthermore, being an essentially insecure country, we are inclined to look outward, and maintain a more-than-casual appreciation of the sports prevailing in the mother countries. Nevertheless, it is in summer that the flame of interest flares blindingly, and even those un-Australians determined to eschew all sports can no longer shield their eyes from the blaze. Sport, suddenly, is ubiquitous.

Certainly it’s everywhere in our house. My son’s birthday is in early December – he has just turned three – and he already associates getting older with total sport saturation. He intercepts me as I come downstairs this morning, wielding his cricket bat and warning me to stay out of the lounge-room: ‘I’m Roger Federer, and I’m playing golf on my basketball court.’ He’s either a genius – of course he is – or he has anticipated the next craze to sweep the globe. He is surely right that Federer would be the ideal front-man to sell it. I promise to put it to Roger if I bump into him today at Melbourne Park.

As it happens, I don’t run into Federer, although I do come across Nikolay Davydenko, thrashing balls on a remote back-court under the baleful gaze of his brother, Eduardo. The overwhelming impression of Davydenko on television is that he is diminutive, but in person he’s not especially tiny (although his brother is). Eduardo also maintains a pretty terrible beard, though since that is all that protects us from his perpetual scowl, I suppose we should be grateful.  As ever with Davydenko, watching him hit from extreme close range is a transfigurative experience, especially on the practice court where he still strikes the ball the way he used to in competition. He remains categorically superior to all the qualifiers toiling away on the surrounding courts, and so it’s a sad thought that his current career trajectory might see him rank among them before long.

I glance around at a sudden commotion, whereupon I am frozen by an endless tan and miles of teeth at eye-level, followed by the realisation that Ana Ivanovic is as disturbingly flawless from two feet away as she is when viewed remotely. All eyes follow her, including those of the Davydenko brothers. They are the only ones who don’t look impressed, although I suppose being Russian millionaires they don’t find Slavic goddesses all that hard to come by. ‘One last point!’ instructs Davydenko to his hitting partner Blaz Kavcic. The Russian millionaire wins a fine final rally with a savage forehand pass.

Yesterday’s ferocious wind has largely calmed, although today’s cloud cover is more dismally comprehensive. There will be no storms, but at least the storms blew away quickly, even if they were replaced by new ones just as play was due to resume. Today’s clouds aren’t going anywhere, and the drizzle might turn out to be more frustrating as a consequence. Even before play was stopped, conditions were heavy. Now, with everyone milling about awkwardly beneath improvised cover, they’re a bummer.

Before play is stopped, Florent Serra and Robbi Ginepri make it through a whole set of their first round qualifying match, and an engaging set it is. It’s tough on the still-coming-back Ginepri to draw Serra first up, since they’re both frankly too good to be languishing outside the top hundred, and either man would fancy his chance against anyone else in the field. Both are aggressive, with Serra superior on serve and the American striking more clean winners. Serra, on the other hand, is forcing more errors. The standard is admirable in the conditions.

Serra is that specific, perpetually-rumpled incarnation of Frenchman, in appearance something of a sewer rat, and given to offhand shrugs and mordant muttering. Unusually among male pros, he will generally reuse the ball from a missed first serve for the second. At one point he frames a second serve onto his own service line, has the good grace to look embarrassed, but then demands that ball back for the next point. A sense of poetry dictates that he then blasts an ace with it; comedy requires another double-fault. Sadly, he does neither, and Ginepri takes the point. They gain the tiebreak, and suddenly the American inexplicably goes away.

Meanwhile Conor Niland and Stephane Bohli grind out about five games on serve – what little I see is not inspiring, though it seems character-building – while Thiemo de Bakker and Dustin Brown are locked in a titanic and enjoyable tussle nearby. The much-fancied Malek Jaziri is already down a set and a break, which is only slightly less noteworthy than his decision to kit out in an identical shade of orange to the officials. The drizzle intensifies, and the umpires suspend play with ragged cohesion. I huddle in the lee of a temporary stand with Carlos Bernardes, hoping it will blow over. It shapes to, but re-intensifies. The ball-kids receive a master class on the manifold intricacies of court-drying. I kid you not.

The concern is occasionally voiced that electronic review systems result in a deskilling of officials, that too great a reliance on machinery only dulls an umpire’s judgement, sapping his or her conviction. Days like today are a useful corrective to such a view. There is certainly no technology on offer in qualifying – Rainer Schuettler remonstrated about this at some length – and there are plenty of top shelf umpires on hand, honing their skills. The Serra-Ginepri match is governed by Enric Molina, while Gremelmayr’s snooze-fest is overseen by Pascal Maria. They look as sharp as they need to be, though Molina does miss one clanger. I confer briefly with Serra’s coach, who amazingly agrees that his player was cheated.

Play resumes eventually, but Ginepri’s focus proves unsustainable. Serra gains the break in mid-set, and rides it to the end. Niland, for whatever reason, is never quite the same player after the rain delay. Most of the games are still tight, but Bohli is now winning more of them.  De Bakker drops the second set, and he and the arch-Teutonic Brown fight out a tight, serve-dominated final set. The Dutchman wins it 8/6. Jaziri is gone.

As am I.

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The Elementalists

Australian Open Qualifying, Day One

Kooyong, Day One

Like the scarred face of a basalt cliff, tennis in Melbourne today was destined to be shaped indelibly by the vast frictions of air and water. The forecast was for strong winds and showers, and to be fair there were a number of showers laced amongst the rolling storms. In all, a typical midsummer day, assuming you live in England, where weather is a penance. Still, given that the storms were also relieved by brilliant sunshine, we could say that it was a typical Melbourne day, which as a locale sneers at the cliché of four seasons in one day. Why take an entire day when you can cram it all into recurring ten minute periods? Shine or rain, the constant was the inconstant wind, pulsing and raging as it pushed heroic landscapes of cloud across the sky.

When a large portion of your field of vision is in motion, the mind plays deft tricks in its endeavour to compensate. Anyone who has idled beside a vast river – such as the Amazon or the Meekong – can attest to this, to the way the river banks seem to flow in the opposite direction to the water. Glancing above the juvenile eucalypts dotting the outer grounds, the skyscrapers of downtown Melbourne are clearly visible against the flowing and tumbling sky. Immense banks of cloud are flowing too rapidly to the right. Perspective tilts worryingly, as the buildings crawl gradually left. Reason quickly intervenes, reminding me that buildings don’t generally move like that. So my mind offers another, more mundane explanation: I must be drunk (notwithstanding my New Year’s resolution to consume less whisky before 10am, which has been mostly successful). Or perhaps I have an inner ear infection. The experience has left me queasy. The only solution is to keep my eyes down

The ground crews, toiling with minimum-wage intensity, are displaying a similar inclination. So long as the rain stays its hand, the wind is actually helpful. In only a fraction of an hour – perhaps 5/6ths – the courts are useably dry. With their eyes thus affixed on the surface, the staff appear oblivious to the storm clouds closing, and thus to the Sisyphean shape their day is to take. By 11am play is set to commence. Then the rain returns, heavier than before, though it’s soon augmented by hail. The wind gains force and the thunder booms. This might conceivably be called a shower, in biblical times or the monsoon belt. A chain link barricade collapses beside me. We all jump, apart from the vast woman to my right, who wears her obesity heavily, in the American fashion. Her girth is somehow exceeded by her capacity to be personally affronted by the weather, and she curses with great fluency.

As the downpour abates I climb to the top of Court Three and survey the grounds. It occurs to me that these cobalt courts are displayed at their greatest advantage in Australian sunlight, when they mirror the endless sky. There are certainly surfaces that match the crackle of a sweeping downpour or an onerous sifting drizzle, but not these. At their best they evoke oases in the immense heat. Today they look just like disused swimming pools.

Kooyong is no great distance from Melbourne Park as the crow flies – as the storm cloud scuds – and therefore tastes the same weather. The difference is that today’s matches at Kooyong mean little, while for the Australian Open qualifiers they mean everything. Another hour and a half passes, replete with weather and sunlight and giant squeegees pushing moisture from the courts. Players actually appear on court, gazing amiably at each other but nervously at the sky, and the trees whipping fitfully. The rain, it turns out, had been protecting them from the startlingly changeable breeze. The matches at Kooyong are thus not only meaningless, but almost entirely useless, since it is debatable how valuable a practice match played in a gale can be. I recall Pete Sampras beating Scott Draper in similar conditions a decade ago, and remarking afterwards that he would never practice on days like that. Certainly Jo-Wilfried Tsonga looks willing to call it off today, notwithstanding that he won Doha in a pea soup fog just four days ago. He falls quickly to Jurgen Melzer. Both players look wryly amused.

Here at Melbourne Park, play is actually happening. However, I am quickly reminded that these guys aren’t qualifying because they’re the world’s best, and that a large part of what has hitherto curtailed their journey up the rankings is an inability to perform in adverse conditions. In other words, the weather clearly isn’t helping. The capacity to deal with it is broadly determined by experience. This is part of what makes Qualifying so intriguing, the way it is a snapshot of so many divergent career paths. There are the youths just passing through on their way up (although this year these are harder to discern, whereas last year both Grigor Dimitrov and Milos Raonic stood out). There are the veterans on their way down, and out. And there are the guys who seem to be here every year (where’s Alex Bogomolov?). The wherewithal to cope with the mounting pressure wrought by constant swirling tosses and shanked groundstrokes is proving decisive. Few of the youngsters can resist a tendency towards extroverted despondency. This is their big chance, and it wasn’t meant to be like this. I have yet to pass a court without someone gesturing histrionically, elaborate mimes and riffs on the single theme of wind.

Disconcerted, Amir Weintraub opts for a safe approach, seeking to limit the weather’s role by rolling his first serve in. He seems to be landing plenty, but his opponent tees off, and it’s a rout. The Israeli has climbed about a hundred places since last year, when he scraped into qualifying as an alternate. Sadly, the result this year is the same. I miss most of the second set bagel – I cannot say if there was a health issue – but see him leaving the court. He looks numb. No player has gone into greater detail on the trials of subsisting in the Challenger hinterlands, and every one of the miles Weintraub has pointlessly travelled to be here sits heavily. Perhaps he is hurt. Meanwhile, Ricardas Berankis moves through safely, courtesy of quick feet and compact strokes. A year ago he was the highest-ranked of the much-lauded new guard, but this time around he’s the only one who still has to qualify. Conditions or not, he is a class above his opposition. He plays safe – up and down, mostly – which is the way to play on a day like today. I won’t pretend it is exciting, though.

In general the veterans are more resigned to conditions. Why some of them are resigned to their fate is a decent question, though. Eleven years ago Arnaud Clement made the final at the Australian Open. He is now 34, and has lost in the first round of qualifying. Commentating in Doha last week, Robbie Koenig countered the constant calls for Davydenko to quit by pointing out the Russian earned over $600,000 last year, and asking what he might possibly do that was more worthy of his time. I suppose we can make a similar case for Clement, although admittedly on a more modest scale. In any case, he falls to Bjorn Phau, another veteran, who has made long career out of qualifying. Based on the set I watch, it is a phenomenally dull encounter, with both players under-powered and error-prone. I am surprised to note Clement has not entered the doubles, since this discipline has proved fundamental to his longevity.

Rainer Schuettler also reached the final here (in 2003), and at 35 is the oldest man in the draw. Like Peter Luczak still toiling away on Court Three, Schuettler maintains an evergreen demeanour, but two decades of water, air and sun has further hardened a face that was never soft. He is stern in seeing off Chris Guccione in an inevitable pair of tiebreaks. The standard here is higher, although it takes a seeming eternity to get going. They trade breaks in the second set, and we all gasp at the momentary thrill. Otherwise the serve dominates, largely owing the quality of the Australian’s serving and returning: enormous and execrable respectively. Nor should we overlook Guccione’s proven capacity to fold in the tiebreaks. Schuettler, as he has for well over a decade, stands indefatigable in the face of the elements, and makes enough of his chances when they finally arrive.

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